There, not very far away in time, sits a soul- sincere, serious and committed- committted to his work and committed to his own expectations. Anything that makes his work more arduous perplexes him, worries him and sets him on a note of incessant tension. The fear of not being able to execute things as planned or not being able to achieve what he has set out for himself bothers him quite a bit. Most of the times this high level of alertedness helps him being cautious enough to take all necessary precautionary measures or to avert anything avertable.
Pictures keep rolling one after the other. Incidents after incidents and stages after stages roll past as I passively become a part of this journey of self-evolution (devolution ??). The frames change and the settings roll back to the present.
This person little cares for anything wrong that may come in the near future. Believes more in dealing with the present. Cares not to bother himself much by foreseeable hindrances or high set targets. He thinks life is more about living than getting lost in all these worries. He believes in living by the present. Even the disappearance of his baggage for 3 days in this far away land does not affect him and he laughs his way throughout the experience. A sales stint which he knew would be very difficult, never produced sweat on his forehead. Not that he never tried to do anything but never felt bothered enough to try a bit more by anticipating future problems. He felt things would happen with time. And things did happen with time. Was that luck !!?
Sitting in bed at 4 am early this morning, in this shore city of the Mediterranean, having taken this sneak peep into my yesteryears, unfolds this astonishing realization of how life changes us or we change ourselves through life. From one end of this misty timescale I can at best make guesses how time and situations could have brought about these changes in me. Are they for the better or for the worse? The exact answers no one knows for sure. Over time there has emerged a clear change in my attitude toward life. Is this transformation good or bad, I do not know. Keeping cool is good but not being concerned or bothered about work can be harmful as well. Is it really carefree attitude or is it carelessness? or is it carefreeness juxtaposed with seriousness as well, the carefree aspect eclipsing the negative effects of worries- I am unable to figure thatout. For sure, I know that had I been a little more serious, I would have been able to perform much better. Is this 'chill' attitude preventing me from realizing my full potential, is it taking me farther from where I could have been or is my soul searching for contentedness more than materialistic pleasures... these answers I wish I could get.
But one thing I know for sure that though these changes crept in without my conscious knowledge, I cannot say I'm completely innocent. I am party to this metamorphosis as somewhere deep within my system, its me alone that could have given permission to this transformation.
8 comments:
Chill dude. There is some point in life where we should certainly stop and start thinking where are we heading towards? (To give rest to the ever running mind).I think you are going through that.Nice to have a companion in this journey. The Alchemist (novel) would be a nice read.
My two cents.........
Sometimes we get options to choose from and at times life and circumstances make choices for us .In both the cases at the end of the day if we can smile and sleep in peace with the kind of work we have done then in my opinion thats a day well spent . So that at the twilight of our life we should not be saying this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Very well thought through ya. Don't think anyone can give quick fix answers - not even you. Your own experiences alone will tell you - whether to welcome the change or reverse it. But one good thing is - you are leading a true life - aligned with what you want, and what comes naturally to you. There is no fight - of what you are doing, vis-a-vis - "maybe i should not be doing this" types
Well sir very well written, though it may be a script picked up from your life but it very well rings the bells of the reader's own life. Anyway nice to have nice experience but, even better to have unforgettable ones. hop your life is a string of "unforgettable happy moments" ...
Hi Jags!! (this might be a long comment..u asked for it ok)
Yes we do change over time..thats what makes life the interesting journey it is.
And your thoughts on the "chill" attitude and whether it prevents you from achieving your best - the qn to answer is this - whether the "chill" attitude is out of indifference and carelessness or whether it comes out of not really being attached tightly to the outcomes and enjoying the process..the former i am sure is not your case..the latter actually makes you perform better..
and the qn of whether we are doing justice to our potential - I have thought about this qn too..according to me there are two ways to live your life and both are perfectly fine - 1. take life as it comes, enjoy the journey,do your role as the context demands, have no regrets; this is perfectly fine as there are no regrets 2. but sometimes I feel that I am not doing justice to my potential..like life has given me a lot of opportunities to learn and better myself something that not all ppl get..so what do i do with all the blessings that i have got so far..and then I think maybe I should find ways proactively to use them to the good of myself, my family, my friends and society at large...Since i am in the second category the answer i think lies in that I act accordingly trying to do justice to my potential..What is your answer - that u have to decide!
Well, whatever I wanted to comment is hidden somewhere in that kilometer long comment of Mani's :)
Sometimes, or, maybe at most times, facing everything with a chill attitude kind of makes us perform better because we are no longer pressurised by our own inhibitions on our performance output.
A very miniscule incident in my life made me understand this.
When I was in seventh standard, I promised my Math teacher that I would get a centum in the Half Yearly Exam, because, I somehow always used to end up at 99. But, the weight of the promise pressurised me so much that I ended up with an 83 in that Exam.
Though I learnt my lesson, I still have not been able to adapt myself with ease to all situations.
And, I personally do believe that the attitude varies from situation to situation. Maybe, there are situations that we consider small because we have handled something bigger before which helps us take them with ease. Maybe, there are still others which we have not come across before that pressurises us over the same.
ohh man... human feelings and thoughts are so similar... in your thoughts and the comments i could feel that inherently we all go through the same emotions, turmoils and confusions...lemme share my thoughts here...
being chill about everything and being hyper and tensed depends on how thngs work fr u..., looking back at one of the worst phases of my life i often wonder y did i screw up so much... wen i thnk of myself in tht phase all i can think of is that i was so tensed that i couldnt do my work,most of the times i was crying because i was so scared of the things that might happen....quite naturally the worst thing happend and in the whole process i had a hard and bad time going through it... whether i could hv done it differently, the answer is yes.. had i not been so tensed, not felt so negative about whatever was going to happen, i could have used the time spent in crying to finish off my work on time... for me i knw my efficiency came down drastically and it didnt help in any way... so now i hv taken the 'no tension' path...its nt tht i dont get tensed, bt the intensity is quite less as compared to what used to happen earlier... and even though i knw tht there isnt a gr8 rating waiting for me as far as my strat stint is concerned, i am nt bothered....inherently i thnk i hv started believing that there is nothing in the world tht is very hard to handle,very hard to get over with.... hence the policy is "chill maar chhorr naa yaar"... :)
too sleepy to write nething more jagz... keep writing such nice stuff!!!!
@varada: you r right. For quite smetime I have been wondering where Im leading myself to or whers life leading me too; i know its a combination of the two- life's complex plots and our own desires- but thats life :)and we simply go by it. Would read The Alchemist.
@Vineeeta: in those 2 cents of urs, uve contributed much more than 2 dollars :). I agree, whatever we do in life, shud b such tht its able to make us smile at the end of the day. Shud think well enuf not make us feel guilty or repent later for our course of actions.
@Deepa: Thanks. Dont know whether its a 'true life' that im leading :), but will agree tht theres no repentance or guilt abt whatever im doing. and that i accept whatever i do as my own decisions therefore no chance to blame any1 else also.
@Ranju: Thanks. Im sure it would hav resonated with many of the readers, just that some of us reflect back to c what changes hav occured, some do not. Thers nothing wrong or right abt it , just that such introspection makes us realise how changes hv happening without our notice and gives us a chance to decide whether we want to let them continue happen or make amendments. :)
@Mani: Well explained Mani. Very good analysis i should say. Agree that its ok as long as one has no regrets at the end of day and I think thats my case. As far as utilising potential is concrned, i think i club that also into this style of living by doing whatever i can in the present and then leaving it to time. Im happy that i did my best or did whatever i shud do at that point in time. Many times it happens that i feel i shud hv done more, but such things will always b there as thers always a better way to do things.
And thanks for ur long comment. :)
@kavity: Sad tht u didnt get a chance to pen down whaterver u wanted to as Mani had alredy done tht in his 'kilometer long comment'. hehe. ya i agree that our reactions vary from situation to situation and that past experiences make the present ones feel smaller unless they r entirely new. Consequently, we may feeel we r no longer dealing with cases as seriously as we used to earlier. Totally agree with The Consultant. :)
@Simmi: Even i agree that human thoughts and thought process are so very similar and as u said all these comments are testimony to that fact. We all think in so similar a style that its so easy fr us to relate with each others anguishes. Agree to the fact that we shud handle things in a way that suits our style or the way we are. Yes, we definitely grow from past experiences and learn to handle things in a better way either becoz we have mastered the art of handling or becoz we know its not so important a question of life or death for us anymore.
u write well, so shud keep writing :)
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