There, not very far away in time, sits a soul- sincere, serious and committed- committted to his work and committed to his own expectations. Anything that makes his work more arduous perplexes him, worries him and sets him on a note of incessant tension. The fear of not being able to execute things as planned or not being able to achieve what he has set out for himself bothers him quite a bit. Most of the times this high level of alertedness helps him being cautious enough to take all necessary precautionary measures or to avert anything avertable.
Pictures keep rolling one after the other. Incidents after incidents and stages after stages roll past as I passively become a part of this journey of self-evolution (devolution ??). The frames change and the settings roll back to the present.
This person little cares for anything wrong that may come in the near future. Believes more in dealing with the present. Cares not to bother himself much by foreseeable hindrances or high set targets. He thinks life is more about living than getting lost in all these worries. He believes in living by the present. Even the disappearance of his baggage for 3 days in this far away land does not affect him and he laughs his way throughout the experience. A sales stint which he knew would be very difficult, never produced sweat on his forehead. Not that he never tried to do anything but never felt bothered enough to try a bit more by anticipating future problems. He felt things would happen with time. And things did happen with time. Was that luck !!?
Sitting in bed at 4 am early this morning, in this shore city of the Mediterranean, having taken this sneak peep into my yesteryears, unfolds this astonishing realization of how life changes us or we change ourselves through life. From one end of this misty timescale I can at best make guesses how time and situations could have brought about these changes in me. Are they for the better or for the worse? The exact answers no one knows for sure. Over time there has emerged a clear change in my attitude toward life. Is this transformation good or bad, I do not know. Keeping cool is good but not being concerned or bothered about work can be harmful as well. Is it really carefree attitude or is it carelessness? or is it carefreeness juxtaposed with seriousness as well, the carefree aspect eclipsing the negative effects of worries- I am unable to figure thatout. For sure, I know that had I been a little more serious, I would have been able to perform much better. Is this 'chill' attitude preventing me from realizing my full potential, is it taking me farther from where I could have been or is my soul searching for contentedness more than materialistic pleasures... these answers I wish I could get.
But one thing I know for sure that though these changes crept in without my conscious knowledge, I cannot say I'm completely innocent. I am party to this metamorphosis as somewhere deep within my system, its me alone that could have given permission to this transformation.
